Not everything is under our control, but I always believe in faith!

It’s already 10th day I don’t talk to him. 


 Today was my reschedule interview for us visa application. Unfortunately, I was rejected. The officer gave me the only one piece of letter of refusal for nonimmigrant visa after I’ve answered a few questions during the interview. I get shocked that I’ve answered in an honest way but still get the rejection. I’m unhappy as I was planning to get the visa to travel to New York to visit my boyfriend. The rejection caused me I lost the chance to meet my boyfriend. It was so cruel to me. I was taking the bus to back my hostel. Before arrival, I was walking the road near my hostel and making a call with my mother. I want to tell her that I got rejected from the application. I was so helpless as the interviewer didn’t tell me the reason after I’ve prepared for so long. It’s dumped me to the hot pan, I felt hard to catch my breath at the moment. I was thinking that the reason which might be “my financial status, my parents status as I’m a Malaysian from a Muslim country. I have no strong supports from my parents. I was struggling in a while. I felt so helpless. I know nobody can help me but myself. Just I’m not strong enough withholding only student pass. I feel that I was so little who can’t even protect my favorite lover as I can’t reach him. 

I wish to have my own wings to fly strong whenever I want to especially fight for my love. I realized the only way I can just sit back and be more patience to build stronger my mind and strengthen my abilities and capabilities in Singapore. Yes! This is the only way I can do. I will focus myself more, my growth too! What to do in my age, young, weak financial status, no abilities, no rich parents even no family love. 

Tonight, I’m feeling the room as cold as usual, no family love, no lover, my heart was freezing in a meanwhile. I have an idea that I want to build a home for those is homeless. I want to build as I know the feeling that I”m starving. I desire a home. I feel that home is like a luxury that I can't afford to pay the cost of having a home. My parents are always busy earning money since I was young kid until now. Their desires never stop, but they never spending on me too. They are willing invest on many big houses and bonds despite give education on children. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Darkest Thursday but I believe the rainbow of tomorrow.

Today was my black Thursday. As usual, I'd like to check up how was my lover doing today.   He keeps watching Tom & Jerry show with "Sichuan" language at least once on a daily basis. How enjoyable he deals with his life. I know that he has his affair to learn new things, also the freedom of choice, but I don't feel comfortable as he told me the woman who aged 9 years elder than him is from Sichuan, one of the cities in China, who was the one made my lover & I apart. I hate, hate myself that was so innocent and unable to figure out what's the fact and how did it happen exactly because I haven't finished my studies.  I always tell myself that must be strong, the thing you really want in your life you might need to sacrifice something else even the people I love . When he told me that he was likely in love with another woman who was elder than me more than 7 years with no better explanation. He said that I don't mature like the woman does, it obv...
Read more

Start small, start now!

Recently, this statement appeared in my mind is quite frequently.  Faith is taking the first step, even you don't see the whole staircase.   -Quoted by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr- I remember it's my first step to make a living abroad from my hometown. I was alone, a little girl from a small city. Nobody knows even myself, who have such a big heart and courages without family support, with some living debts, no friends, no lover and don't have much cash on hand. I never think about "Is that really can survive?" Seriously, I have never this thoughts in my mind. Just follow my heart to flow. Of course, I've been through many difficult days and the struggles. Be cheated, be taken advantages and many unhappy moments that I faced it all alone.  To be honest, I don't like to be alone as I afraid of the dark. The most frightening was standing with wrong people, that's why I need to be stronger. I have no choice. If there is a good option to be gentle ...
Read more